The behavior modeled by parents and caregivers during childhood can influence attachment style and future security and safety in relationships. Inconsistent emotional support, attention, and closeness from key figures can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and fear.
This articles discusses the types, signs, and causes of abandonment issues.
Types
Attachment styles describe the motivation to form emotionally and physically significant relationships with caregivers. Attachment styles can also impact adult relationships. The nature of the relationships throughout someone’s life shapes their beliefs, expectations, and attitudes about connections.
Some attachment styles include:
AnxiousAvoidantDisorganized
Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment is characterized by the need for emotional proximity and closeness. Individuals with an anxious attachment style may be hypervigilant and worry about their worthiness in a relationship and their partner’s desire to be with them. This anxiety can lead to distress and feelings of insecurity.
Avoidant Attachment
People with an avoid attachment style can struggle with closeness and intimacy. Maintaining independence may be important to them, as there is the risk of getting hurt with proximity.
An avoidant person may view a connection as unattainable or undesirable. Consequently, they may be distant, mistrustful of others, or have difficulty being open and vulnerable.
Disorganized Attachment
When a parent or caregiver behaves in a contradictory manner, it can create anxiety, confusion, and conflict. Inconsistencies in the caretaker’s behavior can lead to fear, trouble regulating mood, identity issues, and problems with social functioning. As a result, people with disorganized attachments may exhibit a combination of anxious and avoidant styles.
Disorganized attachment styles are sometimes observed in individuals with personality disorders.
Signs
Some signs of abandonment fear include:
Anxiety or depression Difficulty trusting others Developing relationships quickly Codependency Trouble establishing and maintaining healthy relationships Avoiding people or situations where you could experience rejection or separation Staying in a relationship that isn’t healthy Struggling to regulate emotions and distress Panic related to potential loss of essential people
Sabotaging Relationships
Fear of abandonment can cause someone to sabotage their relationship by constantly responding in an anxious or negative way. In addition, due to issues of mistrust and a desire for autonomy, a person may struggle to be open or intimate with a partner, which can lead to the end of a relationship.
Separation Anxiety
This type of anxiety occurs in the absence of an important figure like a parent, caregiver, or partner. Individuals with separation anxiety may seek out constant reassurance from their partners to increase feelings of security.
Causes
Childhood Trauma
Things that can cause psychological and physical trauma during childhood include:
AbuseNeglectAbandonmentEnvironmental issues, like poverty
In addition, dangerous or harmful situations created by parents or caregivers can influence a child’s attachment style.
Death
The loss associated with the death of a loved one, especially when it’s sudden and unexpected, can trigger feelings of anxiety, stress, and abandonment issues.
Divorce or Separation
Issues in adult relationships can stem from fear of abandonment. For instance, relationship conflict, marital discord, or infidelity can foster feelings of anxiety.
Unmet Emotional Needs
It’s crucial for individuals to feel supported, safe, and have their emotional needs met from a young age. Feeling unheard, unseen, and unappreciated plays a role in problematic attachment styles and abandonment issues.
Stressful or Traumatic Events
Childhood trauma can shape a person’s attachment style and vulnerability to fears of abandonment. However, stressful or traumatic events endured throughout the lifespan may also contribute to or intensify abandonment fears.
How to Cope
One of the first steps of managing an issue is acknowledging its existence. Abandonment issues and fears may be deeply rooted. Being honest about your thoughts, emotions, and fears can help you begin to change them.
Other ways to cope with abandonment fear or issues include:
Learn and utilize relaxation techniquesEstablish a support system with trusting relationshipsSelf-reflection on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors related to your fearsEngaging in self-care strategies, hobbies, or activitiesTaking care of yourself through regular sleep, balanced meals, and exercise Seeking out therapy if abandonment fears are disrupting your psychological health and relationships
Therapy
While some individuals can tackle abandonment issues independently, others may benefit from working with a mental health professional.
Research shows abandonment fear or trauma can have a long-lasting impact on individuals. As a result, they may struggle with:
Low self-esteem Anger issues Mistrust of others Lack of intimacy Anxiety Panic disorders Depression Codependency
In therapy, an individual can work with a mental health professional to identify the origins of abandonment fears and how to cope with feelings of anxiety or distress. Therapy can be a helpful place to learn effective communication strategies, expectation setting, and establishing healthy boundaries.
Additionally, therapy is beneficial for helping people work through traumatic events that may have contributed to the abandonment issues.
Summary
Abandonment trauma involves experiences that make us feel unsafe, insecure, and alone in childhood. This can become overwhelming and lead to symptoms of anxiety and distrust. Therapy and self-care techniques can help people with abandonment issues cope.
A Word From Verywell
Feeling neglected or abandoned can be traumatizing. However, it’s important to know that you are not alone and you are loved. Processing trauma takes time. If you are suffering from abandonment issues, seek the help of a mental health professional or healthcare provider to discuss treatment options.
